H'mmmmm where to start...

Life sure gets away on us eh?
Things are good, busy and crazy.

I had my first turkey butchering experience... it wasn't so bad... really. The worst part was that de-gutting turkeys in close quarters with other people means that weird turkey innard gut juice kept spraying me in the face. I dealt with it pretty well I think (well, I didn't barf on the birds, so that's somethin right???)
I'm pretty happy with the whole turkey experience. Those effers were HUGE! our smallest was just over 20 pounds, the biggest was 34. Seems pretty good if you can cram them in the oven...

So, other news? I got another tattoo! I LOVE this one :) It seems that everyone else either loves it or REALLY hates it. (Old ladies tend to hate it...and yell at me).

My mom REALLY hates it, but I suppose that's to be expected. I like it so that's all that really matters. It has generated a lot of interest by random strangers, so if you wanna know who did it and all that stuff :Sean Smoley at Prophecy Tattoo in Smithers. He rocks the Kasbah.

I still LOVE roller derby even though I busted myself up good. I broke my leg... well my ankle really. A bimalleolar fracture and dislocation.

It sucked... I had surgery last Wednesday to put it all back together again. I'm now bionic, sporting a metal plate and a bunch of screws. Apparently I'll get a special card to make it through airport security without being tazered like a common terrorist, so that's a definite silver lining to the situation. This isn't my xray, but its pretty similar to what's going on in there. I find it gross but fascinating. OH ya, I forgot to mention that I was EFFING awake for the surgery where they grind the bones back together and drill the screws in there... ya... fo shizz AWAKE. Just an epidural. I felt it but it didn't hurt. It was a friggen nuts experience. I'm surprised I didn't barf all over them... ewww.
People are getting pretty pissed at me cuz I'm going to go back to derby. Its not a dumb decision... really... It was a crazy accident... get it?? ACCIDENT. Sucks that it happened, but I could have fallen down the stairs and had the same outcome.

I hate being on the sidelines, but its gonna take some time to heal, so I'm raising up the kids to be derby superstars. They both love it. Maren loves the fashion :) hahahaha
Oh, I do have to say that being wheeled into the ER by another derby chick, both of us still in our derby outfits was an experience. Bahahahahaaa. I owe Jen a huge debt of service after that :)
I love this one of Maren. She sooo has the derby attitude :) She loves the tights too hahaha!

Nyla had her 4th birthday! Insane right?? I can't believe she's 4 already. In her mind she's now a big girl who can tackle the world and get a job. I should let her... I need to get some pics off another camera of her birthday, then I'll share some with ya.

That's it for now folks, I've gotta go crutch myslef around for a while :)

Hope none of you are getting snow like us... it makes my soul shiver.

My life is all about roller derby

I've just been having so much fun. I can't even tell you how great this is... the girls, the game... pretty much all of it.
Every time I go I love it more. It's easy to get sucked in to the derby life, and easy to understand why the sport is growing like crazy all over North America again. It's aggressive, fun and so friggen sassy :) I love the sassy-ness of it all. The derby names, the derby clothes (I don't know how I lived so long without fishnet in my wardrobe. I friggen love it)... the bruises, the posturing and 'friendly' rivalries.
I love that my crazy personality is an asset instead of something that nearly gets me arrested...
I have a new derby name thanks to an awesome, awesome crazy derby doll named 'Bella Bomb'. My new name??? 'Nita Bang' :) Bahahahahaaaa I love it. My other name was too close to another one in the name registry, so she came up with this one. I think it fits my personality better anyway.

I'd really encourage anyone who's interested to check it out (that would be YOU Carolyn!!!). Do a search and find somewhere close by that you can check out. It's worth it... fo shizz.
Don't be afraid of the skating, falling and hitting. It's not nearly as bad as you think. Trust me... ;)
Now, I'm going to leave you with an image of my awesome skates (well, except mine have naughty things written on the laces). Feel free to touch your screen and wish they were yours.
And if you're ever wondering what to get me for Christmas??? You can never go wrong with fishnet :)

Hurt so good...

So many exciting things have happened or are happening. I haven't had the time or desire to update lately, but it's probably time for a quickie...

Vacation was awesome. Seeing friends, family and all the great people that make up my happy place :) Got another tattoo in Smithers (its awesome.. really awesome. I'll post some pics soon).
Looked for land but didn't find anything suitable. One place smelled like horse. NOT just normal horse, but a stinky mcnasty horseishness that trailed with us well after the visit. Even at dinner we were all reeking like horse's ass. I'm used to being a horse's ass, but not used to smelling like one. NASTY! (that's not why it wasn't suitable... it sucked for other reasons too).
I'll be making another trip soon to check things out.

Lots of other stuff... but I'm skipping to my new awesome news that makes me so excited I'm jumping around like a kid on sugar. I joined roller derby.

A lot of people think I'm crazy, but for the record, let me tell you it's awesome! I'm very excited about this... ok, I'm beyond excited I'm freaking crazy about it.
I know I won't be here for very long, but I'm going to learn and play as much as possible and then start a league in Smithers when we move. Terrace already has a league, as does PG, so prepare for some serious ass whoopin!
I know you're wondering about one of the most important parts of derby... my derby name :)
I am now, and evermore to be known as the Irish BombHer. yeah baby ;)
I have my funky gear ordered and now I'm ready to rock and roll (hahahaha get it?? roll, cuz its on skates???)

Bryan Adams was AMAZING. I love that man... Kelsey and I had a great time at the concert. I almost made it on stage... I didn't throw my undies at him or end up in jail for any inappropriate conduct (sooo proud of myself). Seriously, he is so unbelievably talented. Sigh...

You know what's really weird?? Someone told me I'm going to hell... :) I just thought I should share cuz it was a really bizarre experience. I'm in favor of dialing down the crazy...

Ok, thanks for the quickie, now I've gotta jet homies.

Hope you're all enjoying the last days of summer :)

Bryan Adams is my homeboy

It's kind of weird. I live in the armpit of the world, (well, close to it) but since there is soooo much oil and gas money floating around they are able to lure some pretty decent entertainment here.
Until now I hadn't been too interested in attending concerts, but now Bryan Adams is coming. BRYAN FRIGGEN ADAMS!! I AM EXCITED. I looooove Bryan Adams... sigh.
I'm waiting impatiently for tickets to go on sale. I'm torn between being a normal fan... the kind that doesn't get kicked out of concerts or arrested, or being the kind of fan that jumps on stage and wraps herself around him like a crazy person. I'm still 50-50 on that decision. I'll let you know how it all shakes out.
For now I'll just keep on keeping on, being excited and dancing around in my Bryan Adams happy place. Sigh... life is good.

We have a weirdo...

Those of you who know me know that there is no end to the weird that happens around me. For the most part I've learned to just go with it, after all, these are the things that make life interesting right? RIGHT??? Well ok, maybe 'interesting' isn't the right word...

This past week it seems that we have acquired a weirdo. An annoying weirdo... a DUMB annoying weirdo. Someone who creeps around the house in broad daylight and from time to time forgets to turn off their cell phone like any self respecting weirdo would do.
You see, we live way out in the middle of nowhere. Our driveway is about a mile long and we're the only ones here. The first time I heard a cellphone ring outside the house and the person took off I was like, "H'mmm, that was weird". (I should mention that nobody drives up the driveway which means they'd have to be super creepy cuz there's no way they'd just stumble across the place). Then I saw someone skulking around the field, then yesterday heard the cell phone ring outside again. Now I'm pissed off. Nobody drives up the driveway, nobody stops to say "Hey, I'm a random weirdo skulking around, but I'm harmless... really". They never come when Darryl is here. They just skulk and run.
My dogs should be ashamed of themselves... they love people... any people. Even skulkers, and tend to take off with the skulker like he/she is taking them for a walk. NICE.

I told my older brother because he knows all sorts of stuff about what you can do to random weirdos who bug you. He suggested I call the police. I don't like the police.... but I finally agreed. I called the non-emergency number cuz really, what are they going to do??? Drive 40 minutes to our house, walk around and say something like "Well, I don't see anyone". Yeah, really helpful. BUT I was told to call 911. So I called 911. The 911 person proceeded to bitch me out because I wasn't being murdered or threatened at that present moment and I was wasting her time. AWESOME. I told her I'd be sure to call her back when I was sure I was about to be murdered.
And people wonder why I don't like or respect the police? pffft.

Anyway, I'm annoyed at the skulker, I'm annoyed at the useless cops and I'm annoyed that I feel nervous about the whole thing. I'm holding myself back from going all 'crazy commando' and blowing the mofo out of the woods... for now. If it keeps happening I'm going to let my inner crazy come out.

IN OTHER NEWS:


I LOVE the Predator movies. I watched them with my big bro when I was a kid. I saw the other day that there's a new Predator movie... PREDATORS. I'm so friggen jacked about that. I don't care how lame the movie is I'm going to enjoy it. It's not like the originals are cinematic genius... but they're still radical :) Yeah, I said radical. You love it. I'm not sold on Adrian Brody being anything predator-ish, but I'll keep an open mind until he starts to sing and cry. (No, I'm not an Adrian Brody fan).

Ok, Time to go camp... and make some Margaritas. Catch ya later!

Brilliace at work

You know how everyone always talks about how awesome and cute their kids are?? I'm not going to do that. (Well, they're obviously awesome, they're MY kids...pfft). Instead, I feel the need to talk about how friggen gross kids are. Seriously GROSS.
I can handle a lot of gross stuff. Blood and guts don't bother me, I'm ok with barf (well, as ok as anyone can be with barf). I'm ok with peeling what's left of roadkill off my truck (woops), but what I absolutely cannot handle is snot. Green, goopy, slimy mucousy snot. That stuff is evil... straight from the pits of hell. LUCKY for me my kids are sick and totally disgusting right now. They are constantly oozing that thick nasty green snot. Every time I have to wipe that off their faces I start to gag. I've almost barfed on them countless times... sigh. Maren likes to smear it all over her face and in her hair... and usually all over me too. I don't like it. Not one bit.
I came across the worlds BEST invention. I'm shocked and amazed at the brilliance of some people out there. Check this out!

A friggen snot sucking vacuum! BRILLIANT! Sure, in reality you'd have to tie a kid down before they'd let you vacuum out their face, but it seems so much more hygienic then sending them outside to let the dogs lick their faces clean (um, I don't do that... ).

If any of you are trying to figure out what a great gift for me would be... a snot sucking vacuum is the answer.

I just happened to remember where my total disgust for green snot came for. This is gross... don't read it if you get queasy easily. Or maybe it was a 'you had to be there' moment. I'm going to share anyway cuz this is the kind of thing that happens to me. My Irish luck... pffft.

So, when I lived in Calgary I worked as a porter at the Foothills Hospital. Basically the gig was just taking patients to different procedures they had scheduled, or carrying around bags of blood products, or taking bodies to the morgue (totally glamorous in other words). I had to transport one dude with a trachea tube. The nurse removed some funky tubing from his neck and as I moved in to grab his chart he 'coughed' a huge mucous ball out of his neck hole onto me. Seriously, this huge gob came flying OUT OF HIS NECK HOLE and landed on ME. God, just remembering it is making me see spots and feel a bit dizzy. Now, perhaps you will understand my total disgust for green snotty snot. (Remind me to tell you about the time I got locked in the morgue).

Ugh... I need to go lay down.

Farewell Pickle

When Nyla turned 1 we thought it would be a great idea to get her a goldfish. She would go all nutty over the fish in Walmart, and from what we had heard goldfish only live for a few months, so we did it.
Well... 3 bloody years later the damned fish was still alive. Yes THREE looooong fishy years. I don't know what kind of mutant goldfish we bought, but this thing could have survived a nuclear holocaust... and sometimes looked like it had been through one. Nothing could kill this bugger... it even lost all its fins at one point...then re-grew them. At the end he had even grown some kind of fur (for real... fish fur).
I personally don't like fish. I don't find them relaxing or pet-like in any way. Every time I cleaned the water I'd get nasty, fishy shit water in my mouth somehow, and really... that is sooo wrong. I don't like the creepy, surprised looking fish stare, or the whole 'breathing' water thing. It's just not natural. I won't say I grew to love Pickle (yes, she named her fish Pickle)... or even like him, but I sort of grew to respect the grumpy old man-ness of him. The sheer tenacity. I can get on board with that.
Ummmm, where was I??? Oh yes, her beloved fish recently passed away. I honestly didn't think she'd be that upset, because really... its a fish... But I was wrong. She was completely broken hearted. She sobbed her little heart out. Heart wrenching sobs... soooo sad.
I wanted to do a funeral for Pickle and bury him in the field somewhere, but she looked at me like I was a moron and said "That makes no sense. Fish don't live under the ground, they live in water." Yeeeeah... so I had to figure out a way to get rid of the Pickle remains that would make sense to a 3 year old (and would get him out of the fridge cuz EWWWWWWW). Sigh... I'm not even going to tell you what I did. Why you may ask? Because I don't feel like it. I know everyone likes to use death as a teaching moment. I REALLY am not into that discussion right now, but I can share that Nyla is perfectly at peace with where she believes Pickle is. She's happy that he's not sick and furry anymore. AND she's unfortunately saving up for a new fish. I'm going to try to steer her towards something that stares less...
The moral of this story?? If you don't like fish, don't buy them because they never die. They just sit around being all gross and fishy.

All sorts of new

The thing I love and hate most about farming is that there is never a moment when the work is done. There is a list a mile long on the fridge of things that absolutely must get done... its not like we can choose to ignore it. Some days it's a pain in the ass, but most days it feels pretty great to wake up and know we're going to be spending most of the day outside doing all sorts of things. No two days are the same, but every day is challenging. I LOVE the Mac Gyverness of it all. I've learned that I can push myself and find a solution for almost anything that is thrown my way. I've learned how capable I am. It a pretty amazing feeling.
I know a lot of people think that this whole drive to be as self sufficient as possible is some dirty hippie crap, but the more we do and the closer we get to our goal, the better I feel. I love knowing where our food comes from. I love learning random skills. I love bartering with other farmers, and seeing how farming communities, and especially neighbors in very secluded areas like ours band together to help each other out. It's awesome folks. I don't know, maybe that makes me a dirty hippie... I guess we'll see (although, I am quite partial to showers...).

Now, enough rambling.
We have a few new additions, and a few more on the way.
21 turkeys (weird pic cuz of the red heat lamp).

Chewbacca, our pee machine...

So friggen excited that everything is still alive in the sun room! Now, if the snow would piss off we might have a chance to keep it alive outside.


I just thought this one was cute. I heard them giggling and when I peeked around the corner saw them sharing a sucker. Cute sister moment.

We're still waiting for some meat birds, but at this point our hands are more than full, so I'm content to wait a little while longer. We go back and forth about getting a milk cow now, so I'll keep you posted on that one (oooooh, can you handle the suspense??)

Lots of other stuff going on, but I think my time on here is done.
Check back for scintillating updates on whether the garden gets planted, or the cow arrives ;)

Fie on you grape jelly!

You know when you go out for breakfast and they bring the little jam packets?? Well, the other day we were out for breakfast and when they brought the little packets Nyla thought they were juice. I thought I had convinced her it was in fact jam, and was convincing her to try the grape jelly...it and even went as far as lying my ass off and telling her how much I looooove it.
She picked up the packet and started studying the pic and decided that the picture actually looked more like nuts. She then looked at me with a very confused expression and said, "You love nut juice??".
Of course Darryl started to snicker... which only fueled Nyla's desire to broadcast as loud as she could in a singsong voice that "Mommy loves nut juice". The entire restaurant was treated to an early morning song about how much I love nut juice...
I don't embarrass easily, but I have to admit that this one made me blush... it could be because the restaurant was full of oilfield workers who of course, thought it was hilarious.
Finally, instead of shushing her I agreed loudly that mommy does in fact looove nut juice. She mercifully shut her pie hole.
Do you want to know what I learned from this?? Nothing. Sigh... kids are so random.

Baby News!!

Well folks, Darryl said it would never happen, but I'm very excited to report that there will be a brand new addition to our family!!

If you're thinking that I'm talking about a human baby you obviously haven't been listening when I say there will be no more fruit from my loins...

BUT the new addition is a very adorable and awesome pup.



She is the perfect pup for us. Her mom is a Great Pyrenees/Maremma cross and her dad is a Border Collie... pretty much the perfect farm/family dog.
The Black Lab we got from the pound is now 10 years old and is more interested in laying around sniffing his butt then doing anything. We think that at this stage of life he should be allowed to sniff his butt all he wants and take a break from chasing bears, wolves and other crazy creatures.

Now, the hunt for a great name. Nyla wants to name her... but if we let a 3 year old name our dog it would end up with a 'Hollywood' name like Apple, or Blanket or her favorite, Special Agent Oso. I guess we'll have to wait and see.
Feel free to lay some suggestions on us!

In other news... I purchased a silent keyboard. It is total balls. Don't ever get one of these stupid things. You practically have to fire bomb the keys to make them work... boooooo on this silent trash.

Too excited

For many reasons...
1. I have 'Thriller' as my ring tone. Now, all I have to do is learn the Thriller dance and I can break out into dance every time my phone rings. Awesome??? I think so.

PS: I don't feel even a little bit bad about being a total freak. I embrace my inner freak. I'm all about letting the freak out.

2. I now am part of a complete, 4 person team for an awesome, ass kicking ADVENTURE RACE!
Yes, it finally happened. I can't even begin to express my deep down excitement for this one.


Now, as I mentioned before I tend to be a bit of a freak. So my goal is to not piss my teammates off by sneaking in their windows at 5 am to try to get them all pumped to go canoeing. I'm not making any promises though... If they leave their windows open... or have a bedroom on a lower floor all bets are off. I'm not responsible for my over-freakishness in this matter.
I'm pretty sure that I'm immune to mace or bear spray, so don't even bother (the magic of contacts... I can even cut onions without crying... I'm made of steeeeel baby!)

PS: if any of you are planning on wearing spandex you can just walk your creepy asses back into your house and put some coverage on. Dude... that is so wrong.

I'd love to stay and chat, but I have to go bust out some moves. Thriller is calling my name.

Surviving family... a guide.

This has been a very strange week. Those of you who know me know that I don't do well with a house full of my family... my survival techniques are often considered 'unhealthy' by others, but hell, I survived didn't I???
My weekend diet was basically chocolate, a hell of a lot of booze...oh...and some ham. I perfected the art of keeping a buzz on all day long. I'm sure my family thought I turned over a new leaf and had become more... balanced... when in fact I was just bombed. Well... whatever works right??

On Tuesday my dad had a my head sized tumor taken out of his guts. At first I was really grossed out... after all, I have a big head (full of brains though, not just a big ol' head stuffed with feathers). After the shock subsided I chatted with my father-in-law who gave me a great idea. If we slapped a wig on the tumor we could pass that thing off as a baby and become millionaires. Seriously.. the first actual man to give birth??? Totally worth some cash. I don't even care that its a big, head sized lie. My moral code got all skewed at bible college... I'm ok with the art of deception.

So, I've decided to give my liver a break and try life as a sober person again. So far its not too bad... I'll keep you posted.

Alice Cooper is my homeboy

I think we have spring fever. I'm antsy and weird and generally grumpy. The kids are beating on each other on a regular basis... I need the snow to melt and the sun to start sizzling my skin. I want to be outside all day...
Winter has its moments. I snowboarded for the first time this year and LOVED it. I actually didn't do too bad... the bruising on my ass was minimal, but in general I'm over winter.
I miss hiking. Even Nyla is begging to go hiking. Sigh.
Yeah, see... generally grumpy. Strangely enough, the only thing that seems to work to bring me out of this funky funk is blasting 80's tunes. Ya, we're rocking to the 80's. 'Poison' by Alice Cooper is my current favorite.

So, we now have wolves being all woolfey around here. I used to have such a soft heart towards animals in general, until I became a farmer. I'm ready to blow away anything that is threatening my space. The wolves are really a problem because they come right up to the house and the dogs are actually afraid of them. They tuck tail and hide... seriously. So, obviously I want to shoot them. I actually want to use grenades, but apparently they're illegal... pfftt. The 'funny' thing??? We aren't allowed to shoot the wolves. I made the mistake of opening my mouth about it in a public place. You'd seriously think I threatened to cook up and eat some one's mother. Now I'M the monster. AWESOME! Well, I've decided I don't give a flying rat's ass that wolves are protected species. I think if they want to remain protected around here they better re-locate their staanky asses.
So, if I end up in some kind of environmental prison for shooting them, please remember me. I like chocolate and will plan to take up smoking so I can further pollute the world... so send me smokes. I'll wash my clothes in regular phosphorous soaked detergent and feed a lot of beans to the other inmates... especially the ones who work in the greenhouse (get it... greenhouse gasses??? bahahahahaaa). I'm so bad-ass :)

And, to all of you who don't live in the armpit of the world and are actually experiencing spring already... SHUT IT. I don't want to hear about it. I mean it... if you so much as tell me about your flowering bulbs I'll get even with you. Gasoline and a match all over your happy little garden should just about take care of it right??? You've been warned.

THANK YOU!

I put this in the comment section, but then decided it was worth a post of its own.

Thanks to everyone who took the time to donate to the NICU!
Lovely Nurse Erin emailed to tell me that they had received a HUGE box in Maren's name. She won't tell me who sent it, but YOU ROCK!
Very sweet. Very thoughtful and very appreciated by me and by all the little babies spending some time in the NICU.
LOTS of love sent out to you <3

Break time fo' shizzle

I'm taking a blogging break. Things are BUSY around here! It seems like the list of things to do keeps growing and my desire to be online is diminishing... especially now that our good friend Kelsey is here. She's learning the farm routine and really working like... well, a hard worker. It's easy to get all the big stuff done, even when Darryl is working (dude is GONE when he's working).
High five to Kelsey for learning how to use the chainsaw :)

I'll catch ya on the flip side, or something like that...

A Request

As some of you may know, our youngest was born very early, and very tiny. We spent a significant amount of time in the NICU at BC Children's Hospital and in the NICU in Prince George.
Why am I bringing this up over a year later? Well, keep reading...
I have kept in touch with one of our favorite nurses from Vancouver. Every now and then it seems that they start running low on donated supplies. They don't have the budget to go buy all this stuff, but it is a necessity in the NICU. So, if you have some of the following things that you no longer need, please consider sending them to a great new home at either hospital.

- Preemie clothes.

- Burp cloths. They go through TONS of burp cloths. They actually use them in the incubators to make little 'nests' for the babies.

- MONEY :) In some situations it really does make the world go round.

Maren in her 'nest'.

Thinking about the hospital made me think about Easter Seal House where we were very grateful to call home for those long weeks.
They are really in DESPERATE need of donations. Truly...
They go above and beyond in order to provide a safe, home-like atmosphere for families of sick kids.
You know what really sucks??? They have a little playroom that we visited a lot with Nyla. There weren't many toys to begin with, but the ones that were there were broken. EVERY SINGLE ONE! The kids still had a great time in there, but I'm making it my mission to deck out the playroom.
Other items that are needed at Easter Seal:
- Towels
- Blankets
- Sheets and Pillowcases (twin beds)
- Clothes. All sizes, but especially for kids(Usually when you get sent to Children's there is little or no time to pack. You get sent with nothing).
- TOYS and books
- Diapers
- MONEY :)
Please consider gathering toys and some of these other items that you no longer need. I know sometimes it seems like these kinds of things are barely worth the effort, because how big an impact would it actually make?? Trust me... it makes a difference for all the families who stay there. Seriously... imagine these kids who are either sick or are going through a family crisis with a sick sibling playing with broken toys. That's just sooo not right.
OK... now that I'm all emotional I'll stop before I start ugly crying.

I know there are earthquakes, hurricanes, tsunamis and all sorts of crisis' worldwide that really need global assistance, but sometimes its ok to remember to help at home too... if you can.
Anyway, that's my whiny pitch ;)I'm going to go blow my nose before I choke on snot. (I know... totally hot right???)
Peace out homeslice.

Awesome family photo time.

This is probably the best family photo I've ever seen. I think that little dude kicks... totally.

Not sure why its a 'fail'. It's awesome! pfffft.

You just need to listen to me

I realize that buying that country CD has really tarnished my street cred. Fortunately, I'm not a gangsta, so I'm actually ok with tarnished streed cred.
In other news, the country CD was balls. Pure balls. Lesson learned? I think so.


Now, do what I say and go buy "Lungs" by Florence and the Machine. You won't regret it... unless you aren't into the funk, then you'd regret it. No, its not funk, its kinda Sinead O'Connor ish. If you like her, you'll love Florence.
Word.

Farming in style

I love funky footwear. I have also developed a deep down love for funky rubber boots.
Check out the funkadellicness of my newest pair. Oh, I'm sooo proud :)



Oh boots... I love you!