Hold on to your hats...

TOMORROW is Maren's 1st birthday... Is it just me or is this insane??? This year has been painfully slow, and crazy fast at the same time.
I'll save her official birthday post for after her actual birthday, this is just a warming up to her birthday post.

I'm seriously ecstatic. She took her first steps today. She's been holding onto the furniture and walking for a while, but she had her first real taste of freedom today. She of course, got so excited (clapping and squealing) that she fell over, but you could see the pride written all over this little girl. She's talking a bit (the regular stuff, hi, bye, Mommy, Daddy Nyla, Kitty, all done, more, Mommy is a genius...etc... see, just the normal stuff). She is NORMAL, and super awesome.
When she was born they thought she had a stroke, so we were just waiting to see how her development would be... I'm just so happy that she's ok. She's totally caught up to a normal 1 year old. No age correction crap for this kid!
She's happiest when she's naked, but then, who isn't??? I'm personally a big fan of naked.
Nyla is Maren's hero :) They have a lot of fun together... most of the time. Nyla thinks a lot of 'baby stuff' is disgusting. Like how Maren can find anything disgusting on the floor and instantly pop it into her mouth. I have to agree with Nyla on that one. She gives me the dry heaves...

I LOOOOVE my girls. I'm looking forward to the days of being well rested again, but until that day comes (sometime in my 70s right???)I'm going to enjoy the cuteness and weirdness of them.
I am SO excited for Christmas this year! Last year we were in a hotel for Christmas because Maren was still in the hospital. Nyla thinks we have to go back to that hotel for Christmas this year... HELLS NO! We're going to show her how to do it up right. I never used to be big on Christmas (my family wasn't really a Christmas fun type of family), but now I love it. I'm totally going to dress them in freaky Christmas gear so I can embarrass them later on in life... it will be friggen awesome.

You make me feel like dancin'

Something magical has happened in my house. I got 5 hours of sleep IN A ROW!! Seriously, this NEVER happens. I'm usually walking a fine line between sane and bat-shit crazy thanks to sleep deprivation. Sure, being bat-shit crazy has its perks. We do a lot of fun things because I know if I stop moving for even a second my body will transition into crazy breakdown and I'll end up under the kitchen table rocking back and forth, humming the Imagination Movers' theme song.
(We've all been there... right???)
BUT, I prefer being well rested. I can function properly, I'm not putting the milk into the cupboard or forgetting to hard boil the eggs before I break them open... I can get through the day without the coffee induced shakes AND most importantly, have enough coordination to teach Nyla the 'running man'. Oh sweet slumber, you are my friend.
The world seems to be in perfect harmony. The kids ate their breakfast... I mean actually ATE it instead of hiding it (Nyla) or smushing it up their nose (Maren). Even one day of not having to find surprise nasty hiding all over the house, or digging nasty out of a nose is a great day. They are playing nicely together... nobody is beating on or ripping the hair out of anyone. I made the perfect cup of coffee... sigh, the perfect day.
If the hills were alive, the sound of music would be all over them. I swear.
Now, all I need for life to be the level of perfection that we usually only dream about, is that sweet outfit the chick in the pic above is wearing. I'd rock that out...

Oh I LOOOOVE YOU <3

I'm a BIG fan of winter... especially when I don't have to freeze my ass, or feet, or other vital body parts off, and when I can have FUN.
Winter is less busy then summer, but there are still daily chores to be done, regardless of the weather.
I have compiled my list of winter heros...

1. Sorel Boots: These are not sexy boots... but they are awesome for many different reasons. You can clean various kinds of animal crap off REALLY easily. I haven't found a boot that is taller or warmer. I searched for the highest boots I could find. I friggen hate getting a snow soaker in the middle of chores...
One thing that really pissed me off is that NO women's boots are made as real work boots. WTF?? Do they think that women just skip along in heels all winter long? That none of us actually have to wade through the feet of friggen snow?? Come on...
So, I was pleased to find that sorel does in fact keep it real for women too. OH, and they have kids boots that are also taller then any other boots I could find.





2. MEC gear: All MEC gear... especially the kids stuff. I'm usually dragging the kids out with me, and its nice to know that they aren't freezing either. They are both toasty critters and don't usually whine at all (about being cold anyway). Plus, Nyla loves hers because it looks like an astronaut suit... how can you go wrong with that??
I know a lot of people are big on The North Face. I get it... it looks nice, its trendy, but I'm still a MEC girl. I'm sure a lot of North Face stuff kicks ass, but I'm leery about forking out all that cash for what has become a trendy brand name. How much are you spending JUST for the name? Or is it really worth it?? I don't know. Anyone try both and have an answer?







3. Rope: Yup, plain old rope. Man, I can't count the number of times I've had to scrounge around for some rope... even today. Yup, sounds super lame, like I'm some kind of rope freak, but trust me... you'd love it too.
AND I can tie up and hide a certain douchebag who thinks its ok to drive around the property at all hours of the day and night being all douchey. I need some douche-be-gone. Someone should market that... Legs??? do it.



4. A good knife: Ok, so its pretty self explanatory. I'm not a knife snob... as long as it cuts and it fits in my pocket I'm quite happy. I'm not a freaky spaz who wears a machete on my belt. I don't wear a belt either so that would be tricky.
I should totally become a freaky machete person... that would friggen rock.
Don't piss me off, I'll machete your tires.








5. Cross Country Skis/ show shoes: oh yeah baby... Nyla is getting a pair of each this year. We're going to rock it out. I don't want to put Maren in the baby backpack while I'm skiing (I am after all the world's clumsiest human), so I'm trying to put together something that will work to pull her behind me. Any ideas??? Remember, it has to be far enough behind that I won't be tripping on it over and over. I know they make sleds, but its ME making it. I'm not THAT handy. Maybe I should just buy one. I bet it would be really handy for carrying my machete :)








I'm still looking for the king of all gloves. So far all the gloves in the world have been big ol' crappers. No good at all. I'm talking multi-purpose gloves. I don't want ski gloves... they're only warm on the back. I need gloves that will hold up to llama spit and chicken shit. Man, I bet you wish you were me RIGHT?? Glamor, glamor, glamor... its a rough life ;)
Let me know if you have any great ideas.


We are now living in quite the winter wonderland. Its crazy how much snow we're getting, and how mild the temp is. Perfect :)
THIS is why living in the middle of nowhere is actually not so bad, and why having an assly long driveway can be quite nice...

Nyla turned to me and said, "Mommy, I don't think I could eat a whole horse... well, maybe if it was made of snow I could". Right, ok.



When the sun came out it got all steamy and foggy. Pretty nice day for a walk. Hunter (the dog... PS we didn't name him, we got him from the pound all old and already named) took a big crappo right after this and fouled up the pretty air. Nyla was actually gagging. Sweet. I bet you're glad I shared :)

Well, that's it for me. My renewed vigor for blogging is taking its toll. I'm tired... Catch ya later alligators.

Oh, you know you want it.

So, I've mentioned at length my issues with a hell of a lot of eggs. What to do with them, where to hide them... etc etc. I was chatting with Legs (amazing author of The MILF Report) about how great it would be to find alternative uses for the eggs... egg booze for example. Not many people can gag down massive quantities of Egg Nog (really, kind of like swallowing a glass of snot), but there is a similar kind of egg booze that might actually catch on. Check out Advocaat. I know what you're thinking... it could go one of two ways. It could be sweeeeet or pretty rough. Apparently its actually good. I'm going to try it :) Anyone want to come give it a try???
Booze you eat with a spoon. What could go wrong????

Next, I'm not understanding the whole "Twilight" phenomenon. (I'm talking about the books and movies, not the evening twilight in case you've been living under a rock for the past year or so and have no idea what I'm talking about).
No, I haven't read the books or even watched the movie, so who knows, maybe its some kind of literary genius, but I'm guessing that its just a mediocre series about teenage romantic angst... vampire style.
I've done the whole teenage romantic angst thing, now I've grown and moved on to inventing egg booze... I just don't have interest in watching a bunch of mopey teenagers dwell on the sadness that is vampire love. Come on people... vampire love???
I don't understand how this series is coming close to eclipsing the whole Titanic phenomenon. Titanic is TITANIC! Now THAT is a movie... sigh... I still cry every time. It's times like this that I realize that I'm growing up. (I know, it really shouldn't be such a shock).
If I feel the need to drool over a vampire I'll watch Interview With a Vampire. Hello... Brad Pitt? Its just not right for people to be all drooley over the kid vampire in twilight when there are manly man vampires to drool over (if that's your thing. I'm not into the goth/ vampire love movement).

Well, I'm going to go consume large amounts of coffee, then convince my children that its time to go collect even more eggs. Nothing but a party at our house!

I'm not crazy like THAT...

I have some important advice for you...
NEVER start a conversation with, "I'd like to give you some of my eggs". Sure, I know I have chickens and have bowls and bowls of friggen eggs balancing inside of my fridge, and that I'm running out of places to hide them, and if I have to find another egg abundant recipe I'm going to barf... but to them it could possibly sound like I'm a super-freak who's trying to peddle my inside-the-ovary eggs like a common ovary egg peddler.
When someone thinks you're trying to give them YOUR eggs, it becomes really tricky because if they say yes its even creepier (go get your own damn ovary eggs), but if they say no and act all disgusted then you're left wondering, what the hell is wrong with my eggs? Then you get all angry and bitter and start mumbling about how you'd never let your eggs touch their crappy ass uterus with a 10 foot pole. (pffffft... it could be the wine, but I just realized that the 10 foot pole thing is pretty funny... hee hee hee).
So, the moral... well, there isn't a moral. Just specify what species the eggs are coming from, because god knows you don't want to be known as THAT kind of girl. (You know, the kind that tosses around her eggs all willy-nilly).

I'm happy our chickens are all gung-ho about their egg production. I mean, that must be really important to a chicken right? What else to they do except drop an egg from their butts every day or so?? They must be feeling very fulfilled considering they're totally rocking out on their life's purpose. I don't want to rain on their parade, but we have so many friggen eggs. I have never in my life seen so many eggs. I give them away to absolutely anyone who will take them. I've even started dropping them off to the old lady vampire neighbor... who in return gave me some wicked carrot cake (without raisins boooyah!) Who knew that the undead could be kick-ass bakers??
I know this isn't considered a problem. I just don't want them to spoil, and I don't want to be chained to my oven baking my ass off for the foreseeable future. So, either I start egging people's houses or I figure out what the hell I'm going to do with the excess. Hell, I just had an idea... I can egg random people. I don't like your hat... EGG ON YOU! You totally coughed in my direction... EGG ON YOU! Your perfume is so bad they're going to start using it as the bad smell in natural gas... EGG ON YOU! H'mmm, never mind... I don't need help after all :)

Blog or face my wrath.

I enjoy blogging, and I really like when funny people blog.
I found a blog that has quickly become one of my top 5 favorites... The Milf Report (well, she found me, so I'll give her the credit).
"Legs" is funny... my humor kind of funny, so if my blog offends you, hers will too. (Don't you secretly love being offended though??? Come on, admit it).
So, go check it out. Leave a comment so she's forced to keep blogging in order to appease her new fans.
She's a pretty cool chick!

**note to Legs** Read the title... are you scared yet beeeotch???

Finally the pics

I started working on this 2 days ago, but have been busy busy busy, so now, the pics you've all been waiting for ;)

Darryl deserves the dad of the year award for PATIENTLY explaining to Nyla over and over again that its actually ok to put your hand into a pit of pumpkin slime...

Nyla doing some pumpkin de-sliming.
Cutest sock monkey around :)
Nyla wasn't into pictures this year. This is one of the few she let me take... cute elephant if you ask me.
Wow, I feel like a weight has been taken off my shoulders... I've actually posted the pics. sigh...

Now, a completely different topic. Have you ever received a virus through email? I opened an email from someone I trust (I don't blame you... don't cry), and unfortunately it was a friggen virus. A super lame virus too. I don't get embarrassed easily, but this was really embarrassing. It would have been fine if the only people in my contact list were close friends, but I have lots of people on there... feed store dude, the people we buy buffalo meat from, the guy that sheared our llamas etc etc etc. The virus sent the same message out to a lot of people in my contacts (I've heard that some people didn't get it). It basically said "I've been thinking about you and decided to write. I miss you, now check this out because I know it will make you smile". See, not too bad if it was only sent to close friends... but to other people it totally sounded like a sleazy come on. I sent a warning message afterwards because... well it seemed like the right thing to do. Thank god I did... I heard back from a business contact who was trying to figure out how to let me down easy because he's happily married. Gaaaaaaaaa! Hahahahaa, at least I can laugh about it now... Seriously, If I'm going to send an inappropriate email it will be one that I compose from my own twisted mind, not someone else's lameness. booooooo on that trash!

Anyway, I'm off and running again. I've decided to befriend the weird vampire neighbor lady in order to avoid her sucking the lifeblood from my neck. Seems like good sense to me. If you don't hear from me anytime soon... I'm probably undead in her basement.

Ramblings and a few ravings.

Halloween is not my favorite 'holiday'. I like chocolate like any other self respecting woman, but I'm not big on the dressing up and walking around in the freezing cold waiting for strangers (who are usually dressed up like crazy people) to give my kids some candy. Really, we can run down to the general store to buy some stale candy if we are really that desperate for it...
But I must say that I am blow away by the commitment of the villagers to do it up right. Houses were decorated far beyond anything I have ever seen... complete with smoke shows and theme music. These people don't just give candy, they give decorated and nicely thought out gift bags. INSANE RIGHT?? But really nice. I must say it was a great experience for Nyla... and Maren actually enjoyed it too.
You know how kids can do crazy things that make you want to hide your face and slink into the night??? Yeah... when we went to the first house there was a dude outside screwing fireworks onto the back of his truck (another story in itself). Nyla started screaming and crying because according to her, his costume was too scary. THE DUDE WASN'T WEARING A COSTUME! I swear, he was just a guy... GOOD LORD! What are you supposed to do in a situation like that? She wouldn't even take any candy from him :) Sigh, kids totally make up for all the poo, barf and sleepless nights by sheer entertainment value.
I will post pictures of them in their Halloween finest, but not now cuz it takes a zillion years, and since the 18 bloody inches of snow we got overnight our phone line is lame ass and buzzing which just makes everything take longer. (PS it wasn't literally bloody snow... ewwwww).
(And yes, the guy was actually screwing fireworks to the back of his truck).

Now I'm going to take a minute to rage about Facebook. I like facebook for the fact that its easy to stay in touch with friends who are scattered all over the place. I am probably one of the worlds worst keep-in-touchers. I don't call, rarely email... I generally suck... so facebook is a nice way to stay connected. However, I do not care what you had for dinner... I don't want to play those facebook games that have caught on like crazy... I don't want to help you with your mafia, or fish tank or anything else.
Sometimes I wonder about people and their insatiable need to share useless and annoying info with the rest of the world. (From what I understand twitter is even worse). Its always the same people, and they are always telling me what they're having for dinner, really... every friggen night???? I DON'T GIVE A FLYING RAT'S ASS!
And the absolute WORST are the people who are huge sad sacks and apparently want a lot of sympathy because everything in their life that is wrong has to be slapped up like some sad sack status billboard. COME ON people... start drowning your problems with booze and leave the rest of us in our happy haze. I know I sound hardcore... I'm not even going to defend myself cuz I just don't care. boooooooooo! Where the hell is my wine???
I'm starting to weed out my facebook 'friends'. I used to feel bad about deleting people because it just seemed like a weird thing to do, but I have to admit I find it a bit liberating. If we don't talk, and haven't talked in 6 months or more... why are we pretending we're friends anyway? I'm still into simplifying my life. I like it, its working out great so far.

Maren is 100% better. Nyla didn't get it. Things are good. My little bro, Kieran, did get it, so if you see him give him a high fiver for me. (maybe don't touch his diseased self though... ) he's doing fine now, so don't shun him like a leper (or actually, point and scream 'UNCLEAN' at him... man, that would make me laugh).

Now, I'm going to go get my sleep on. G to the ood night.