I'm becoming one of THEM. Don't judge... it could happen to you too.

I feel the shame that only someone as shameful as me can feel. I don't know how to break this to the blogging world... sigh...
I thought if I ignored it, it would just go away, but somehow it infected my mind and I'm here to admit that I, Anita Perry went out and voluntarily paid REAL money for country music.
I feel a little bit sick inside... like a part of me is dying. I feel dirty... oh so dirty.
Now I'm left to wonder, is this just the beginning??? Is it like the Hotel California of the music world??? You know...
"We are programmed to receive.
You can checkout any time you like,
But you can never leave."

Is this the beginning of the end??? Good lord I'm feeling dizzy. Someone tell me it will be ok... that this will not lead to me tapping my toes along with ALL country music.
You know what I just realized??? THIS is the slippery slope that all those pastors were talking about for all those years. When they preached about the 'slippery slope' and I was like "Dude... seriously, where the hell is this slippery slope... " THIS is what they were talking about. Maybe I should have listened. Maybe I should have actually delved deeper into the whole slippery slope thing in order to avoid this crumbling of my belief in my own standards of music. Now I'm just a lost soul. Sigh...
I've had a pastor tell me he's very disappointed in my life choices (apparently being a farmer is somehow likened to selling crack and beating old ladies). Now, I'll have to agree. My life choices are sketchy. I own a country music CD after all. Fuck.
Maybe I should start drinking more, it would make everything better. My dog does tend to run away... ok, well not technically away, more like just chasing moose, but I get it now. Our truck did break down... twang twang twang. I AM country music.

Don't even...

If I hear or see someone singing that hippopotamus song I will kick you. Man that song is annoying.
You know what I mean...
"I want a hippopotamus for Christmas. Only a hippopotamus will do. No crocodiles, no rhinoceroses. I only like hippopotamuses. And hippopotamuses like me too".
Yup, total ass.

Mush ball is my middle name...

I don't get a huge amount of sleep. I usually complain about it, because no sleep = crazy me. But tonight... I went into Nyla's room (she woke up and apparently REALLY needed socks) and saw her little body laying in her big bed and just wanted to crawl in and hold her forever. Sometimes I'm REALLY aware that they are going to grow up too fast and pretty soon won't want to play six thousand games of Candyland, or make me zillions of cute sticker pictures. They won't climb into my lap for a cuddle, or want to just be with me. It's not fair that this part of life is so short.
I love these girls.
Now, my plan is to stop sobbing so I can fall asleep without choking on my snot.

My name is Anita, I'm a Christmas slacker.

I'm not one of those people who have their Christmas shopping done in August. I'm not one of those people who has all of their Christmas wrap put into those wrap thingies for quick wrapping access. Don't get me wrong, now that I have kids I love doing all the Christmas stuff, but I'm not intense about it.

This is the time of year when people really get their freak on. Seemingly normal people get all 'hepped' up about table cloths... really... table cloths. I can't believe I exist in a world where getting the right table cloth can make that much of a difference to life. To be fair, I'm a Christmas slacker, so I just don't give a flying rat's ass about having the right table cloth.
I love keeping things simple. I don't like the stress of perfection... (my natural perfection doesn't cause me any stress... don't worry). So, simple it will be. Fun and simple...

You know what is really amazing? Baking. You throw a whole bunch of stuff into a bowl and squish it around, then it turns into cookies... its like a Christmas miracle.

Another great thing about Christmas?? Cheezy Christmas movies. My favorite of all time is Scrooged. LOVE IT. The Santa Clause... love it too. The Muppet Christmas Carol is definitely in the top 5. The 1951 version of A Christmas Carol is hard to beat.
There are some pretty crap Christmas movies out there though. I CAN'T STAND the Charlie Brown Christmas one. Elf, Home Alone... uuuugh. Waaaay too cringe worthy. The one with that annoying blond kid with glasses... BOOOOOOO! Total crap.
Have you noticed that some of the older Christmas specials (like Rudolph) are CRAAAAZY? They rip all of the teeth out of the Yeti dude, then torment him like a bunch of little bastards. They even show the dude standing there with a pile of Yeti teeth. Just weird. That just doesn't say heart warming Christmas special to me.

I love the old school Christmas carols. I'm a big fan of Burl Ives, Dean Martin... actually, the whole "Rat Pack". I'm not a big fan of the new ones coming out... you know what I mean. Things like "Just a Lonely HO on Christmas", or "I wanna get jiggy with the big man"... Ok, I made them up, but you get my point. Creepy Christmas carols are just WRONG!

Now, the WORST thing about Christmas??? That freaky cake filled with evil little bits of ass. I've heard stories about people making it MONTHS in advance and hanging it in a stocking. A STOCKING. That makes sense. It actually absorbs the taste of nasty foot.... the mystery of how it can taste THAT bad is solved.

If you like the stuff, don't tell me. I WILL think less of you. Creep.

Pure sweetness.

I have a minute and the pictures are actually downloading... hurrah!
In the last week we celebrated Maren's party and decorated for Christmas. It was a great week. I LOVE our Christmas tree. I'm not into doing the perfect, show home tree. I think that when you have kids its important to let them help and be proud of their creations. Our tree is not perfect... it actually looks like what it is... a tree that a 1 and 3 year old helped decorate. I hope this is the beginning of many, many great Christmas memories.
What a difference a year makes! At Maren's party people kept commenting on what we were doing last year. I actually don't want to dwell on that at all. It was what it was, but now we're here with two beautiful, smart, lovely, talented, squishable, kissable girls. They are loving each other like crazy (sometimes of course this crazy love is manifested with them rolling around, pounding on and clinging to each other and both screaming in rage). Ahhh, the wonder of Christmas.
So yeah, our tree looks like its circa 197o something, and its full of sweet memories :)
Maren is now fully a walker. She decided that crawling was for suckers. Smart move in my opinion...
Now, on to the pics.

Bath hair... gotta love it. The water is yellow cuz of the bath fizzie things, not because she peed it up.

Yeah, they were rolling around screaming, and Maren was beating Nyla with the yellow ring... until I took out the camera, then all sweetness and smiles. You may be wondering why I took out the camera instead of breaking it up. Well, I've broken it up a lot, so I just thought

that going all kung fu on eachother would get it out of their systems. Ha! Not even...

Our neighbor brought a little tree for the kids to decorate all by themselves. Nyla is VERY proud of her decorating job. Cute... just so friggen cute.

Birthday cake... she inhaled it. Totally double fisted it into her mouth like she had been starving for cake her whole life. She smushed it in her hair, in her ears and her favorite... up her nose to save for later. M'mmmmmm snot and cake... can't beat it!

The group cuddle spot. Great place for pics cuz I can almost guarantee nobody will be pushing or kicking or ripping the hair out of anyone else. It's all love right here folks.

Nyla called me into her room and said "I bet you can't find me". Ha! little does she know that I'm awesome and have a superhuman knack for finding. It might have helped that she was laughing so hard the whole carpet was jiggling around... I still say its just my awesomeness.

Yeah, Maren got a bit ripped off with the whole 'snowman' for the birthday thing, but it tasted good so that's all that matters right? I love doing the cakes. I know... I'm totally all homied up... and not in the 'yo homie' kind of way.

This nerd loves headbands. I keep telling her that Kelly will mock her if she wears a headband, but she insists that she's comfortable with who she is as a headband lover. I make her wear them karate kid style because its way cuter.

Ha, that's all of them for now.

I'm a baking superstar fo' shizzle!

I am in the process of baking roughly 100 zillion cookies. I know that those of you who have known me for years and years might laugh to yourselves a bit since I didn't used to have any of these kind of home skills. Well, I do now, and I'm awesome... I am rocking the cookie basket thing. I don't know if baskets of tasty baked goods are really lame ass 'presents' to give, but that's what's going down. I guess its part of our commitment to complete (or as close as possible) self sufficient lifestyle. Every time I write that I know I sound like a crazy compound person... it will never change... we'll always seem like the weird, robe wearing freaks who hum a lot.
It's really not that weird. And we don't hum... much.
(The farm thing is still moving along... we're going to be in spaz mode pretty soon. Spring is coming sooon!!!!)

Maren's birthday was so nice. I loved it... I'm working on getting the pics onto the computer. It will happen soon. Probably when I'm done baking the zillion cookies.

(These are supposed to be angry farmers... but they're actually cowboys... I'm sure you can deal.)
We don't have a problem with too many eggs anymore. The word hit the street that we're on egg overload and the farmers have been coming out in droves to take what we don't need. It's interesting meeting neighbors who have previously been screaming at us for the great llama breakout of 2009. They really hate us... apparently it wasn't the huge drought that destroyed all of the crops in the northern area, but our llamas who actually trampled every plant in every field. Sweet... love to be blamed for mass destruction of crops. Now they take our eggs, so we're even right? Crazy farmers.

Ok, I'm going to go. I'm distracted by "The Italian Job" on TV. I friggen love that movie.
Catch ya later peeps.

Award Time!!!!

You know those days when all the worlds most annoying things seem to either be around you or happen to you?? Well, I had a brain wave... its time to rate the MOST annoying of the annoying.
After my post about the moose I've decided to do the MOOSE HOLE award. In honor of my driveway moose, the top 7 annoying things will win a sketchy moose ass hole (after James comes to turn them all into steaks and burgers and other meaty treats). Yes, it will be able to wear its creepy, stretchy sphincter with 'pride'... or more aptly, with the shame it really should feel for being THAT annoying.

This list will be compiled by ME because I'm the boss. Its in no particular order since all of it is equally annoying in my opinion.

1. Eating noises. Come on people... get it together and shut your damned mouths! Take human sized bites so you don't have to do some funky mouth wrestling moves to dominate that hunk o' food and send it down your poor, traumatized esophagus!!!

2. Stubbing your toe HARD: Mother effer... I get instant rage when this happens. I fall to the ground and if no kids are around I let fly every nasty, awful and dirty word I know.. and some made up ones. When kids are around I just have to think it... which is not even nearly the same, but better then nothing. Seriously annoying. Nobody wants to have gnarled and disfigured toes from constant stubbing...

(The pic isn't my creation)

3. Reality 'stars': Those two blond idiots... Heidi and Spencer. Seriously.. who the hell are they and why do people care so much. They are like the moron brigade. Just seeing her face makes me want to punch my TV. I'm actually cringing as I write this... These idiots should not have kids. Really...
I'm not sure what ALL of the other one's names are, but I'm sure you're pickin' up what I'm layin' down.

4. Slow Walkers: Walking really slowly in front of me will likely get you a ninja kick to the back of the knees. Just sayin...

5. People who think being stupid is somehow cool or sexy: Dumb is just plain dumb. If you are even of average intelligence but act dumb I will treat you like a moron... I will point and laugh and tape a "I am a huge ass" sign on your back. Smart is cool... its like the new crack, except waay cooler, because crack just ain't cool.

6. Keanu Reeves: Dude is a moron. A real moron, he can't even say he's pretending.

7. Strangers touching me or my kids: Get your dirty, sticky, creeperholio hands OFF. I don't know why people think they have the right to touch someone else's children. I will gnaw your arm off before I let you touch my child. Intense???? maybe... but I can't deal with it. Makes me snaky. I feel like I have to rub sanitizer all over them afterward.
If I don't know you KEEP YOUR DAMNED HANDS TO YOURSELF! H'mmmm, maybe even if I know you... some of you...

Wow... seven is just not enough. Maybe I'll have to get votes on the top seven, because I'm just getting warmed up. I'm willing to take other candidates for the top spots too. Come on, try to knock one of mine off the top 7... I dare ya!

Some of my other top annoyances are:
Baby Talk: Your baby is a baby... not a moron.
People who smell like hot trash: Really, there is no need for that.
Too much perfume: After the savage beating that is morning sickness, I can no longer handle the smell of sweet or flowery perfume. This includes things like Tide with febreeze. I start to gag instantly. H'mmm, now you know my weakness. If we're ever in a superhero fight I'm totally screwed.

Well, there are really too many. A lot are un-postable because they have to do with family, and I cross the line a lot, but I don't feel the need to start it up with the fam. Being related is punishment enough isn't it??? If my family members are reading this I'm sure you know I'm not talking about YOU. Come one, we both know who I mean.

I'd go on and on but I have other things to do. I'm actually interested to see what YOU find annoying. Maybe we can rid the world of one annoying thing at a time! We'll be the avengers of awesome... or just run around in spandex onesies with capes and funny hats.