Bryan Adams is my homeboy

It's kind of weird. I live in the armpit of the world, (well, close to it) but since there is soooo much oil and gas money floating around they are able to lure some pretty decent entertainment here.
Until now I hadn't been too interested in attending concerts, but now Bryan Adams is coming. BRYAN FRIGGEN ADAMS!! I AM EXCITED. I looooove Bryan Adams... sigh.
I'm waiting impatiently for tickets to go on sale. I'm torn between being a normal fan... the kind that doesn't get kicked out of concerts or arrested, or being the kind of fan that jumps on stage and wraps herself around him like a crazy person. I'm still 50-50 on that decision. I'll let you know how it all shakes out.
For now I'll just keep on keeping on, being excited and dancing around in my Bryan Adams happy place. Sigh... life is good.

We have a weirdo...

Those of you who know me know that there is no end to the weird that happens around me. For the most part I've learned to just go with it, after all, these are the things that make life interesting right? RIGHT??? Well ok, maybe 'interesting' isn't the right word...

This past week it seems that we have acquired a weirdo. An annoying weirdo... a DUMB annoying weirdo. Someone who creeps around the house in broad daylight and from time to time forgets to turn off their cell phone like any self respecting weirdo would do.
You see, we live way out in the middle of nowhere. Our driveway is about a mile long and we're the only ones here. The first time I heard a cellphone ring outside the house and the person took off I was like, "H'mmm, that was weird". (I should mention that nobody drives up the driveway which means they'd have to be super creepy cuz there's no way they'd just stumble across the place). Then I saw someone skulking around the field, then yesterday heard the cell phone ring outside again. Now I'm pissed off. Nobody drives up the driveway, nobody stops to say "Hey, I'm a random weirdo skulking around, but I'm harmless... really". They never come when Darryl is here. They just skulk and run.
My dogs should be ashamed of themselves... they love people... any people. Even skulkers, and tend to take off with the skulker like he/she is taking them for a walk. NICE.

I told my older brother because he knows all sorts of stuff about what you can do to random weirdos who bug you. He suggested I call the police. I don't like the police.... but I finally agreed. I called the non-emergency number cuz really, what are they going to do??? Drive 40 minutes to our house, walk around and say something like "Well, I don't see anyone". Yeah, really helpful. BUT I was told to call 911. So I called 911. The 911 person proceeded to bitch me out because I wasn't being murdered or threatened at that present moment and I was wasting her time. AWESOME. I told her I'd be sure to call her back when I was sure I was about to be murdered.
And people wonder why I don't like or respect the police? pffft.

Anyway, I'm annoyed at the skulker, I'm annoyed at the useless cops and I'm annoyed that I feel nervous about the whole thing. I'm holding myself back from going all 'crazy commando' and blowing the mofo out of the woods... for now. If it keeps happening I'm going to let my inner crazy come out.

IN OTHER NEWS:


I LOVE the Predator movies. I watched them with my big bro when I was a kid. I saw the other day that there's a new Predator movie... PREDATORS. I'm so friggen jacked about that. I don't care how lame the movie is I'm going to enjoy it. It's not like the originals are cinematic genius... but they're still radical :) Yeah, I said radical. You love it. I'm not sold on Adrian Brody being anything predator-ish, but I'll keep an open mind until he starts to sing and cry. (No, I'm not an Adrian Brody fan).

Ok, Time to go camp... and make some Margaritas. Catch ya later!

Brilliace at work

You know how everyone always talks about how awesome and cute their kids are?? I'm not going to do that. (Well, they're obviously awesome, they're MY kids...pfft). Instead, I feel the need to talk about how friggen gross kids are. Seriously GROSS.
I can handle a lot of gross stuff. Blood and guts don't bother me, I'm ok with barf (well, as ok as anyone can be with barf). I'm ok with peeling what's left of roadkill off my truck (woops), but what I absolutely cannot handle is snot. Green, goopy, slimy mucousy snot. That stuff is evil... straight from the pits of hell. LUCKY for me my kids are sick and totally disgusting right now. They are constantly oozing that thick nasty green snot. Every time I have to wipe that off their faces I start to gag. I've almost barfed on them countless times... sigh. Maren likes to smear it all over her face and in her hair... and usually all over me too. I don't like it. Not one bit.
I came across the worlds BEST invention. I'm shocked and amazed at the brilliance of some people out there. Check this out!

A friggen snot sucking vacuum! BRILLIANT! Sure, in reality you'd have to tie a kid down before they'd let you vacuum out their face, but it seems so much more hygienic then sending them outside to let the dogs lick their faces clean (um, I don't do that... ).

If any of you are trying to figure out what a great gift for me would be... a snot sucking vacuum is the answer.

I just happened to remember where my total disgust for green snot came for. This is gross... don't read it if you get queasy easily. Or maybe it was a 'you had to be there' moment. I'm going to share anyway cuz this is the kind of thing that happens to me. My Irish luck... pffft.

So, when I lived in Calgary I worked as a porter at the Foothills Hospital. Basically the gig was just taking patients to different procedures they had scheduled, or carrying around bags of blood products, or taking bodies to the morgue (totally glamorous in other words). I had to transport one dude with a trachea tube. The nurse removed some funky tubing from his neck and as I moved in to grab his chart he 'coughed' a huge mucous ball out of his neck hole onto me. Seriously, this huge gob came flying OUT OF HIS NECK HOLE and landed on ME. God, just remembering it is making me see spots and feel a bit dizzy. Now, perhaps you will understand my total disgust for green snotty snot. (Remind me to tell you about the time I got locked in the morgue).

Ugh... I need to go lay down.