Brilliace at work

You know how everyone always talks about how awesome and cute their kids are?? I'm not going to do that. (Well, they're obviously awesome, they're MY kids...pfft). Instead, I feel the need to talk about how friggen gross kids are. Seriously GROSS.
I can handle a lot of gross stuff. Blood and guts don't bother me, I'm ok with barf (well, as ok as anyone can be with barf). I'm ok with peeling what's left of roadkill off my truck (woops), but what I absolutely cannot handle is snot. Green, goopy, slimy mucousy snot. That stuff is evil... straight from the pits of hell. LUCKY for me my kids are sick and totally disgusting right now. They are constantly oozing that thick nasty green snot. Every time I have to wipe that off their faces I start to gag. I've almost barfed on them countless times... sigh. Maren likes to smear it all over her face and in her hair... and usually all over me too. I don't like it. Not one bit.
I came across the worlds BEST invention. I'm shocked and amazed at the brilliance of some people out there. Check this out!

A friggen snot sucking vacuum! BRILLIANT! Sure, in reality you'd have to tie a kid down before they'd let you vacuum out their face, but it seems so much more hygienic then sending them outside to let the dogs lick their faces clean (um, I don't do that... ).

If any of you are trying to figure out what a great gift for me would be... a snot sucking vacuum is the answer.

I just happened to remember where my total disgust for green snot came for. This is gross... don't read it if you get queasy easily. Or maybe it was a 'you had to be there' moment. I'm going to share anyway cuz this is the kind of thing that happens to me. My Irish luck... pffft.

So, when I lived in Calgary I worked as a porter at the Foothills Hospital. Basically the gig was just taking patients to different procedures they had scheduled, or carrying around bags of blood products, or taking bodies to the morgue (totally glamorous in other words). I had to transport one dude with a trachea tube. The nurse removed some funky tubing from his neck and as I moved in to grab his chart he 'coughed' a huge mucous ball out of his neck hole onto me. Seriously, this huge gob came flying OUT OF HIS NECK HOLE and landed on ME. God, just remembering it is making me see spots and feel a bit dizzy. Now, perhaps you will understand my total disgust for green snotty snot. (Remind me to tell you about the time I got locked in the morgue).

Ugh... I need to go lay down.