I'm becoming one of THEM. Don't judge... it could happen to you too.

I feel the shame that only someone as shameful as me can feel. I don't know how to break this to the blogging world... sigh...
I thought if I ignored it, it would just go away, but somehow it infected my mind and I'm here to admit that I, Anita Perry went out and voluntarily paid REAL money for country music.
I feel a little bit sick inside... like a part of me is dying. I feel dirty... oh so dirty.
Now I'm left to wonder, is this just the beginning??? Is it like the Hotel California of the music world??? You know...
"We are programmed to receive.
You can checkout any time you like,
But you can never leave."

Is this the beginning of the end??? Good lord I'm feeling dizzy. Someone tell me it will be ok... that this will not lead to me tapping my toes along with ALL country music.
You know what I just realized??? THIS is the slippery slope that all those pastors were talking about for all those years. When they preached about the 'slippery slope' and I was like "Dude... seriously, where the hell is this slippery slope... " THIS is what they were talking about. Maybe I should have listened. Maybe I should have actually delved deeper into the whole slippery slope thing in order to avoid this crumbling of my belief in my own standards of music. Now I'm just a lost soul. Sigh...
I've had a pastor tell me he's very disappointed in my life choices (apparently being a farmer is somehow likened to selling crack and beating old ladies). Now, I'll have to agree. My life choices are sketchy. I own a country music CD after all. Fuck.
Maybe I should start drinking more, it would make everything better. My dog does tend to run away... ok, well not technically away, more like just chasing moose, but I get it now. Our truck did break down... twang twang twang. I AM country music.

Don't even...

If I hear or see someone singing that hippopotamus song I will kick you. Man that song is annoying.
You know what I mean...
"I want a hippopotamus for Christmas. Only a hippopotamus will do. No crocodiles, no rhinoceroses. I only like hippopotamuses. And hippopotamuses like me too".
Yup, total ass.

Mush ball is my middle name...

I don't get a huge amount of sleep. I usually complain about it, because no sleep = crazy me. But tonight... I went into Nyla's room (she woke up and apparently REALLY needed socks) and saw her little body laying in her big bed and just wanted to crawl in and hold her forever. Sometimes I'm REALLY aware that they are going to grow up too fast and pretty soon won't want to play six thousand games of Candyland, or make me zillions of cute sticker pictures. They won't climb into my lap for a cuddle, or want to just be with me. It's not fair that this part of life is so short.
I love these girls.
Now, my plan is to stop sobbing so I can fall asleep without choking on my snot.

My name is Anita, I'm a Christmas slacker.

I'm not one of those people who have their Christmas shopping done in August. I'm not one of those people who has all of their Christmas wrap put into those wrap thingies for quick wrapping access. Don't get me wrong, now that I have kids I love doing all the Christmas stuff, but I'm not intense about it.

This is the time of year when people really get their freak on. Seemingly normal people get all 'hepped' up about table cloths... really... table cloths. I can't believe I exist in a world where getting the right table cloth can make that much of a difference to life. To be fair, I'm a Christmas slacker, so I just don't give a flying rat's ass about having the right table cloth.
I love keeping things simple. I don't like the stress of perfection... (my natural perfection doesn't cause me any stress... don't worry). So, simple it will be. Fun and simple...

You know what is really amazing? Baking. You throw a whole bunch of stuff into a bowl and squish it around, then it turns into cookies... its like a Christmas miracle.

Another great thing about Christmas?? Cheezy Christmas movies. My favorite of all time is Scrooged. LOVE IT. The Santa Clause... love it too. The Muppet Christmas Carol is definitely in the top 5. The 1951 version of A Christmas Carol is hard to beat.
There are some pretty crap Christmas movies out there though. I CAN'T STAND the Charlie Brown Christmas one. Elf, Home Alone... uuuugh. Waaaay too cringe worthy. The one with that annoying blond kid with glasses... BOOOOOOO! Total crap.
Have you noticed that some of the older Christmas specials (like Rudolph) are CRAAAAZY? They rip all of the teeth out of the Yeti dude, then torment him like a bunch of little bastards. They even show the dude standing there with a pile of Yeti teeth. Just weird. That just doesn't say heart warming Christmas special to me.

I love the old school Christmas carols. I'm a big fan of Burl Ives, Dean Martin... actually, the whole "Rat Pack". I'm not a big fan of the new ones coming out... you know what I mean. Things like "Just a Lonely HO on Christmas", or "I wanna get jiggy with the big man"... Ok, I made them up, but you get my point. Creepy Christmas carols are just WRONG!

Now, the WORST thing about Christmas??? That freaky cake filled with evil little bits of ass. I've heard stories about people making it MONTHS in advance and hanging it in a stocking. A STOCKING. That makes sense. It actually absorbs the taste of nasty foot.... the mystery of how it can taste THAT bad is solved.

If you like the stuff, don't tell me. I WILL think less of you. Creep.

Pure sweetness.

I have a minute and the pictures are actually downloading... hurrah!
In the last week we celebrated Maren's party and decorated for Christmas. It was a great week. I LOVE our Christmas tree. I'm not into doing the perfect, show home tree. I think that when you have kids its important to let them help and be proud of their creations. Our tree is not perfect... it actually looks like what it is... a tree that a 1 and 3 year old helped decorate. I hope this is the beginning of many, many great Christmas memories.
What a difference a year makes! At Maren's party people kept commenting on what we were doing last year. I actually don't want to dwell on that at all. It was what it was, but now we're here with two beautiful, smart, lovely, talented, squishable, kissable girls. They are loving each other like crazy (sometimes of course this crazy love is manifested with them rolling around, pounding on and clinging to each other and both screaming in rage). Ahhh, the wonder of Christmas.
So yeah, our tree looks like its circa 197o something, and its full of sweet memories :)
Maren is now fully a walker. She decided that crawling was for suckers. Smart move in my opinion...
Now, on to the pics.

Bath hair... gotta love it. The water is yellow cuz of the bath fizzie things, not because she peed it up.

Yeah, they were rolling around screaming, and Maren was beating Nyla with the yellow ring... until I took out the camera, then all sweetness and smiles. You may be wondering why I took out the camera instead of breaking it up. Well, I've broken it up a lot, so I just thought

that going all kung fu on eachother would get it out of their systems. Ha! Not even...

Our neighbor brought a little tree for the kids to decorate all by themselves. Nyla is VERY proud of her decorating job. Cute... just so friggen cute.

Birthday cake... she inhaled it. Totally double fisted it into her mouth like she had been starving for cake her whole life. She smushed it in her hair, in her ears and her favorite... up her nose to save for later. M'mmmmmm snot and cake... can't beat it!

The group cuddle spot. Great place for pics cuz I can almost guarantee nobody will be pushing or kicking or ripping the hair out of anyone else. It's all love right here folks.

Nyla called me into her room and said "I bet you can't find me". Ha! little does she know that I'm awesome and have a superhuman knack for finding. It might have helped that she was laughing so hard the whole carpet was jiggling around... I still say its just my awesomeness.

Yeah, Maren got a bit ripped off with the whole 'snowman' for the birthday thing, but it tasted good so that's all that matters right? I love doing the cakes. I know... I'm totally all homied up... and not in the 'yo homie' kind of way.

This nerd loves headbands. I keep telling her that Kelly will mock her if she wears a headband, but she insists that she's comfortable with who she is as a headband lover. I make her wear them karate kid style because its way cuter.

Ha, that's all of them for now.

I'm a baking superstar fo' shizzle!

I am in the process of baking roughly 100 zillion cookies. I know that those of you who have known me for years and years might laugh to yourselves a bit since I didn't used to have any of these kind of home skills. Well, I do now, and I'm awesome... I am rocking the cookie basket thing. I don't know if baskets of tasty baked goods are really lame ass 'presents' to give, but that's what's going down. I guess its part of our commitment to complete (or as close as possible) self sufficient lifestyle. Every time I write that I know I sound like a crazy compound person... it will never change... we'll always seem like the weird, robe wearing freaks who hum a lot.
It's really not that weird. And we don't hum... much.
(The farm thing is still moving along... we're going to be in spaz mode pretty soon. Spring is coming sooon!!!!)

Maren's birthday was so nice. I loved it... I'm working on getting the pics onto the computer. It will happen soon. Probably when I'm done baking the zillion cookies.

(These are supposed to be angry farmers... but they're actually cowboys... I'm sure you can deal.)
We don't have a problem with too many eggs anymore. The word hit the street that we're on egg overload and the farmers have been coming out in droves to take what we don't need. It's interesting meeting neighbors who have previously been screaming at us for the great llama breakout of 2009. They really hate us... apparently it wasn't the huge drought that destroyed all of the crops in the northern area, but our llamas who actually trampled every plant in every field. Sweet... love to be blamed for mass destruction of crops. Now they take our eggs, so we're even right? Crazy farmers.

Ok, I'm going to go. I'm distracted by "The Italian Job" on TV. I friggen love that movie.
Catch ya later peeps.

Award Time!!!!

You know those days when all the worlds most annoying things seem to either be around you or happen to you?? Well, I had a brain wave... its time to rate the MOST annoying of the annoying.
After my post about the moose I've decided to do the MOOSE HOLE award. In honor of my driveway moose, the top 7 annoying things will win a sketchy moose ass hole (after James comes to turn them all into steaks and burgers and other meaty treats). Yes, it will be able to wear its creepy, stretchy sphincter with 'pride'... or more aptly, with the shame it really should feel for being THAT annoying.

This list will be compiled by ME because I'm the boss. Its in no particular order since all of it is equally annoying in my opinion.

1. Eating noises. Come on people... get it together and shut your damned mouths! Take human sized bites so you don't have to do some funky mouth wrestling moves to dominate that hunk o' food and send it down your poor, traumatized esophagus!!!

2. Stubbing your toe HARD: Mother effer... I get instant rage when this happens. I fall to the ground and if no kids are around I let fly every nasty, awful and dirty word I know.. and some made up ones. When kids are around I just have to think it... which is not even nearly the same, but better then nothing. Seriously annoying. Nobody wants to have gnarled and disfigured toes from constant stubbing...

(The pic isn't my creation)

3. Reality 'stars': Those two blond idiots... Heidi and Spencer. Seriously.. who the hell are they and why do people care so much. They are like the moron brigade. Just seeing her face makes me want to punch my TV. I'm actually cringing as I write this... These idiots should not have kids. Really...
I'm not sure what ALL of the other one's names are, but I'm sure you're pickin' up what I'm layin' down.

4. Slow Walkers: Walking really slowly in front of me will likely get you a ninja kick to the back of the knees. Just sayin...

5. People who think being stupid is somehow cool or sexy: Dumb is just plain dumb. If you are even of average intelligence but act dumb I will treat you like a moron... I will point and laugh and tape a "I am a huge ass" sign on your back. Smart is cool... its like the new crack, except waay cooler, because crack just ain't cool.

6. Keanu Reeves: Dude is a moron. A real moron, he can't even say he's pretending.

7. Strangers touching me or my kids: Get your dirty, sticky, creeperholio hands OFF. I don't know why people think they have the right to touch someone else's children. I will gnaw your arm off before I let you touch my child. Intense???? maybe... but I can't deal with it. Makes me snaky. I feel like I have to rub sanitizer all over them afterward.
If I don't know you KEEP YOUR DAMNED HANDS TO YOURSELF! H'mmmm, maybe even if I know you... some of you...

Wow... seven is just not enough. Maybe I'll have to get votes on the top seven, because I'm just getting warmed up. I'm willing to take other candidates for the top spots too. Come on, try to knock one of mine off the top 7... I dare ya!

Some of my other top annoyances are:
Baby Talk: Your baby is a baby... not a moron.
People who smell like hot trash: Really, there is no need for that.
Too much perfume: After the savage beating that is morning sickness, I can no longer handle the smell of sweet or flowery perfume. This includes things like Tide with febreeze. I start to gag instantly. H'mmm, now you know my weakness. If we're ever in a superhero fight I'm totally screwed.

Well, there are really too many. A lot are un-postable because they have to do with family, and I cross the line a lot, but I don't feel the need to start it up with the fam. Being related is punishment enough isn't it??? If my family members are reading this I'm sure you know I'm not talking about YOU. Come one, we both know who I mean.

I'd go on and on but I have other things to do. I'm actually interested to see what YOU find annoying. Maybe we can rid the world of one annoying thing at a time! We'll be the avengers of awesome... or just run around in spandex onesies with capes and funny hats.

Hold on to your hats...

TOMORROW is Maren's 1st birthday... Is it just me or is this insane??? This year has been painfully slow, and crazy fast at the same time.
I'll save her official birthday post for after her actual birthday, this is just a warming up to her birthday post.

I'm seriously ecstatic. She took her first steps today. She's been holding onto the furniture and walking for a while, but she had her first real taste of freedom today. She of course, got so excited (clapping and squealing) that she fell over, but you could see the pride written all over this little girl. She's talking a bit (the regular stuff, hi, bye, Mommy, Daddy Nyla, Kitty, all done, more, Mommy is a genius...etc... see, just the normal stuff). She is NORMAL, and super awesome.
When she was born they thought she had a stroke, so we were just waiting to see how her development would be... I'm just so happy that she's ok. She's totally caught up to a normal 1 year old. No age correction crap for this kid!
She's happiest when she's naked, but then, who isn't??? I'm personally a big fan of naked.
Nyla is Maren's hero :) They have a lot of fun together... most of the time. Nyla thinks a lot of 'baby stuff' is disgusting. Like how Maren can find anything disgusting on the floor and instantly pop it into her mouth. I have to agree with Nyla on that one. She gives me the dry heaves...

I LOOOOVE my girls. I'm looking forward to the days of being well rested again, but until that day comes (sometime in my 70s right???)I'm going to enjoy the cuteness and weirdness of them.
I am SO excited for Christmas this year! Last year we were in a hotel for Christmas because Maren was still in the hospital. Nyla thinks we have to go back to that hotel for Christmas this year... HELLS NO! We're going to show her how to do it up right. I never used to be big on Christmas (my family wasn't really a Christmas fun type of family), but now I love it. I'm totally going to dress them in freaky Christmas gear so I can embarrass them later on in life... it will be friggen awesome.

You make me feel like dancin'

Something magical has happened in my house. I got 5 hours of sleep IN A ROW!! Seriously, this NEVER happens. I'm usually walking a fine line between sane and bat-shit crazy thanks to sleep deprivation. Sure, being bat-shit crazy has its perks. We do a lot of fun things because I know if I stop moving for even a second my body will transition into crazy breakdown and I'll end up under the kitchen table rocking back and forth, humming the Imagination Movers' theme song.
(We've all been there... right???)
BUT, I prefer being well rested. I can function properly, I'm not putting the milk into the cupboard or forgetting to hard boil the eggs before I break them open... I can get through the day without the coffee induced shakes AND most importantly, have enough coordination to teach Nyla the 'running man'. Oh sweet slumber, you are my friend.
The world seems to be in perfect harmony. The kids ate their breakfast... I mean actually ATE it instead of hiding it (Nyla) or smushing it up their nose (Maren). Even one day of not having to find surprise nasty hiding all over the house, or digging nasty out of a nose is a great day. They are playing nicely together... nobody is beating on or ripping the hair out of anyone. I made the perfect cup of coffee... sigh, the perfect day.
If the hills were alive, the sound of music would be all over them. I swear.
Now, all I need for life to be the level of perfection that we usually only dream about, is that sweet outfit the chick in the pic above is wearing. I'd rock that out...

Oh I LOOOOVE YOU <3

I'm a BIG fan of winter... especially when I don't have to freeze my ass, or feet, or other vital body parts off, and when I can have FUN.
Winter is less busy then summer, but there are still daily chores to be done, regardless of the weather.
I have compiled my list of winter heros...

1. Sorel Boots: These are not sexy boots... but they are awesome for many different reasons. You can clean various kinds of animal crap off REALLY easily. I haven't found a boot that is taller or warmer. I searched for the highest boots I could find. I friggen hate getting a snow soaker in the middle of chores...
One thing that really pissed me off is that NO women's boots are made as real work boots. WTF?? Do they think that women just skip along in heels all winter long? That none of us actually have to wade through the feet of friggen snow?? Come on...
So, I was pleased to find that sorel does in fact keep it real for women too. OH, and they have kids boots that are also taller then any other boots I could find.





2. MEC gear: All MEC gear... especially the kids stuff. I'm usually dragging the kids out with me, and its nice to know that they aren't freezing either. They are both toasty critters and don't usually whine at all (about being cold anyway). Plus, Nyla loves hers because it looks like an astronaut suit... how can you go wrong with that??
I know a lot of people are big on The North Face. I get it... it looks nice, its trendy, but I'm still a MEC girl. I'm sure a lot of North Face stuff kicks ass, but I'm leery about forking out all that cash for what has become a trendy brand name. How much are you spending JUST for the name? Or is it really worth it?? I don't know. Anyone try both and have an answer?







3. Rope: Yup, plain old rope. Man, I can't count the number of times I've had to scrounge around for some rope... even today. Yup, sounds super lame, like I'm some kind of rope freak, but trust me... you'd love it too.
AND I can tie up and hide a certain douchebag who thinks its ok to drive around the property at all hours of the day and night being all douchey. I need some douche-be-gone. Someone should market that... Legs??? do it.



4. A good knife: Ok, so its pretty self explanatory. I'm not a knife snob... as long as it cuts and it fits in my pocket I'm quite happy. I'm not a freaky spaz who wears a machete on my belt. I don't wear a belt either so that would be tricky.
I should totally become a freaky machete person... that would friggen rock.
Don't piss me off, I'll machete your tires.








5. Cross Country Skis/ show shoes: oh yeah baby... Nyla is getting a pair of each this year. We're going to rock it out. I don't want to put Maren in the baby backpack while I'm skiing (I am after all the world's clumsiest human), so I'm trying to put together something that will work to pull her behind me. Any ideas??? Remember, it has to be far enough behind that I won't be tripping on it over and over. I know they make sleds, but its ME making it. I'm not THAT handy. Maybe I should just buy one. I bet it would be really handy for carrying my machete :)








I'm still looking for the king of all gloves. So far all the gloves in the world have been big ol' crappers. No good at all. I'm talking multi-purpose gloves. I don't want ski gloves... they're only warm on the back. I need gloves that will hold up to llama spit and chicken shit. Man, I bet you wish you were me RIGHT?? Glamor, glamor, glamor... its a rough life ;)
Let me know if you have any great ideas.


We are now living in quite the winter wonderland. Its crazy how much snow we're getting, and how mild the temp is. Perfect :)
THIS is why living in the middle of nowhere is actually not so bad, and why having an assly long driveway can be quite nice...

Nyla turned to me and said, "Mommy, I don't think I could eat a whole horse... well, maybe if it was made of snow I could". Right, ok.



When the sun came out it got all steamy and foggy. Pretty nice day for a walk. Hunter (the dog... PS we didn't name him, we got him from the pound all old and already named) took a big crappo right after this and fouled up the pretty air. Nyla was actually gagging. Sweet. I bet you're glad I shared :)

Well, that's it for me. My renewed vigor for blogging is taking its toll. I'm tired... Catch ya later alligators.

Oh, you know you want it.

So, I've mentioned at length my issues with a hell of a lot of eggs. What to do with them, where to hide them... etc etc. I was chatting with Legs (amazing author of The MILF Report) about how great it would be to find alternative uses for the eggs... egg booze for example. Not many people can gag down massive quantities of Egg Nog (really, kind of like swallowing a glass of snot), but there is a similar kind of egg booze that might actually catch on. Check out Advocaat. I know what you're thinking... it could go one of two ways. It could be sweeeeet or pretty rough. Apparently its actually good. I'm going to try it :) Anyone want to come give it a try???
Booze you eat with a spoon. What could go wrong????

Next, I'm not understanding the whole "Twilight" phenomenon. (I'm talking about the books and movies, not the evening twilight in case you've been living under a rock for the past year or so and have no idea what I'm talking about).
No, I haven't read the books or even watched the movie, so who knows, maybe its some kind of literary genius, but I'm guessing that its just a mediocre series about teenage romantic angst... vampire style.
I've done the whole teenage romantic angst thing, now I've grown and moved on to inventing egg booze... I just don't have interest in watching a bunch of mopey teenagers dwell on the sadness that is vampire love. Come on people... vampire love???
I don't understand how this series is coming close to eclipsing the whole Titanic phenomenon. Titanic is TITANIC! Now THAT is a movie... sigh... I still cry every time. It's times like this that I realize that I'm growing up. (I know, it really shouldn't be such a shock).
If I feel the need to drool over a vampire I'll watch Interview With a Vampire. Hello... Brad Pitt? Its just not right for people to be all drooley over the kid vampire in twilight when there are manly man vampires to drool over (if that's your thing. I'm not into the goth/ vampire love movement).

Well, I'm going to go consume large amounts of coffee, then convince my children that its time to go collect even more eggs. Nothing but a party at our house!

I'm not crazy like THAT...

I have some important advice for you...
NEVER start a conversation with, "I'd like to give you some of my eggs". Sure, I know I have chickens and have bowls and bowls of friggen eggs balancing inside of my fridge, and that I'm running out of places to hide them, and if I have to find another egg abundant recipe I'm going to barf... but to them it could possibly sound like I'm a super-freak who's trying to peddle my inside-the-ovary eggs like a common ovary egg peddler.
When someone thinks you're trying to give them YOUR eggs, it becomes really tricky because if they say yes its even creepier (go get your own damn ovary eggs), but if they say no and act all disgusted then you're left wondering, what the hell is wrong with my eggs? Then you get all angry and bitter and start mumbling about how you'd never let your eggs touch their crappy ass uterus with a 10 foot pole. (pffffft... it could be the wine, but I just realized that the 10 foot pole thing is pretty funny... hee hee hee).
So, the moral... well, there isn't a moral. Just specify what species the eggs are coming from, because god knows you don't want to be known as THAT kind of girl. (You know, the kind that tosses around her eggs all willy-nilly).

I'm happy our chickens are all gung-ho about their egg production. I mean, that must be really important to a chicken right? What else to they do except drop an egg from their butts every day or so?? They must be feeling very fulfilled considering they're totally rocking out on their life's purpose. I don't want to rain on their parade, but we have so many friggen eggs. I have never in my life seen so many eggs. I give them away to absolutely anyone who will take them. I've even started dropping them off to the old lady vampire neighbor... who in return gave me some wicked carrot cake (without raisins boooyah!) Who knew that the undead could be kick-ass bakers??
I know this isn't considered a problem. I just don't want them to spoil, and I don't want to be chained to my oven baking my ass off for the foreseeable future. So, either I start egging people's houses or I figure out what the hell I'm going to do with the excess. Hell, I just had an idea... I can egg random people. I don't like your hat... EGG ON YOU! You totally coughed in my direction... EGG ON YOU! Your perfume is so bad they're going to start using it as the bad smell in natural gas... EGG ON YOU! H'mmm, never mind... I don't need help after all :)

Blog or face my wrath.

I enjoy blogging, and I really like when funny people blog.
I found a blog that has quickly become one of my top 5 favorites... The Milf Report (well, she found me, so I'll give her the credit).
"Legs" is funny... my humor kind of funny, so if my blog offends you, hers will too. (Don't you secretly love being offended though??? Come on, admit it).
So, go check it out. Leave a comment so she's forced to keep blogging in order to appease her new fans.
She's a pretty cool chick!

**note to Legs** Read the title... are you scared yet beeeotch???

Finally the pics

I started working on this 2 days ago, but have been busy busy busy, so now, the pics you've all been waiting for ;)

Darryl deserves the dad of the year award for PATIENTLY explaining to Nyla over and over again that its actually ok to put your hand into a pit of pumpkin slime...

Nyla doing some pumpkin de-sliming.
Cutest sock monkey around :)
Nyla wasn't into pictures this year. This is one of the few she let me take... cute elephant if you ask me.
Wow, I feel like a weight has been taken off my shoulders... I've actually posted the pics. sigh...

Now, a completely different topic. Have you ever received a virus through email? I opened an email from someone I trust (I don't blame you... don't cry), and unfortunately it was a friggen virus. A super lame virus too. I don't get embarrassed easily, but this was really embarrassing. It would have been fine if the only people in my contact list were close friends, but I have lots of people on there... feed store dude, the people we buy buffalo meat from, the guy that sheared our llamas etc etc etc. The virus sent the same message out to a lot of people in my contacts (I've heard that some people didn't get it). It basically said "I've been thinking about you and decided to write. I miss you, now check this out because I know it will make you smile". See, not too bad if it was only sent to close friends... but to other people it totally sounded like a sleazy come on. I sent a warning message afterwards because... well it seemed like the right thing to do. Thank god I did... I heard back from a business contact who was trying to figure out how to let me down easy because he's happily married. Gaaaaaaaaa! Hahahahaa, at least I can laugh about it now... Seriously, If I'm going to send an inappropriate email it will be one that I compose from my own twisted mind, not someone else's lameness. booooooo on that trash!

Anyway, I'm off and running again. I've decided to befriend the weird vampire neighbor lady in order to avoid her sucking the lifeblood from my neck. Seems like good sense to me. If you don't hear from me anytime soon... I'm probably undead in her basement.

Ramblings and a few ravings.

Halloween is not my favorite 'holiday'. I like chocolate like any other self respecting woman, but I'm not big on the dressing up and walking around in the freezing cold waiting for strangers (who are usually dressed up like crazy people) to give my kids some candy. Really, we can run down to the general store to buy some stale candy if we are really that desperate for it...
But I must say that I am blow away by the commitment of the villagers to do it up right. Houses were decorated far beyond anything I have ever seen... complete with smoke shows and theme music. These people don't just give candy, they give decorated and nicely thought out gift bags. INSANE RIGHT?? But really nice. I must say it was a great experience for Nyla... and Maren actually enjoyed it too.
You know how kids can do crazy things that make you want to hide your face and slink into the night??? Yeah... when we went to the first house there was a dude outside screwing fireworks onto the back of his truck (another story in itself). Nyla started screaming and crying because according to her, his costume was too scary. THE DUDE WASN'T WEARING A COSTUME! I swear, he was just a guy... GOOD LORD! What are you supposed to do in a situation like that? She wouldn't even take any candy from him :) Sigh, kids totally make up for all the poo, barf and sleepless nights by sheer entertainment value.
I will post pictures of them in their Halloween finest, but not now cuz it takes a zillion years, and since the 18 bloody inches of snow we got overnight our phone line is lame ass and buzzing which just makes everything take longer. (PS it wasn't literally bloody snow... ewwwww).
(And yes, the guy was actually screwing fireworks to the back of his truck).

Now I'm going to take a minute to rage about Facebook. I like facebook for the fact that its easy to stay in touch with friends who are scattered all over the place. I am probably one of the worlds worst keep-in-touchers. I don't call, rarely email... I generally suck... so facebook is a nice way to stay connected. However, I do not care what you had for dinner... I don't want to play those facebook games that have caught on like crazy... I don't want to help you with your mafia, or fish tank or anything else.
Sometimes I wonder about people and their insatiable need to share useless and annoying info with the rest of the world. (From what I understand twitter is even worse). Its always the same people, and they are always telling me what they're having for dinner, really... every friggen night???? I DON'T GIVE A FLYING RAT'S ASS!
And the absolute WORST are the people who are huge sad sacks and apparently want a lot of sympathy because everything in their life that is wrong has to be slapped up like some sad sack status billboard. COME ON people... start drowning your problems with booze and leave the rest of us in our happy haze. I know I sound hardcore... I'm not even going to defend myself cuz I just don't care. boooooooooo! Where the hell is my wine???
I'm starting to weed out my facebook 'friends'. I used to feel bad about deleting people because it just seemed like a weird thing to do, but I have to admit I find it a bit liberating. If we don't talk, and haven't talked in 6 months or more... why are we pretending we're friends anyway? I'm still into simplifying my life. I like it, its working out great so far.

Maren is 100% better. Nyla didn't get it. Things are good. My little bro, Kieran, did get it, so if you see him give him a high fiver for me. (maybe don't touch his diseased self though... ) he's doing fine now, so don't shun him like a leper (or actually, point and scream 'UNCLEAN' at him... man, that would make me laugh).

Now, I'm going to go get my sleep on. G to the ood night.

Update

I'm pretty sure that Maren is over the worst of it. What a crazy experience!!!
Her fever has come down, she is voluntarily drinking and eating a little bit and her big grin makes an appearance more and more every day. She won't have to be admitted so obviously we're really happy. Now we're just hoping that Nyla stays healthy (she's been fine so far, so I'm very optimistic).
I'm so proud of her. From the day she was born she has been tough... a little fighter. She's totally going to be the type that doesn't let anything get in her way.
Nyla has been very worried about Maren. She's barely left her side, and if Maren makes even the smallest squeak Nyla will sound the alarm. Such a sweet big sister :) Now that Maren is getting better, Nyla is preparing all kinds of games for them to play together. Sigh... I'm really going to enjoy watching their relationship grow.

Darryl has been gone for the last few days and was finally able to come home today for a little while. It was hard for him to be away when things were so scary at home. It has been sooooooooooooooo nice having him around... hey... what the hell am I doing awake?? I have reinforcements now... its nap time.

PS thanks so much for the calls and emails!

NOOOOOOOOO

Maren, our little one has just been diagnosed with the H1N1 virus. She is incredibly ill and I could lie and say I'm dealing with things well, but I won't bother lying.
So, I'm calling all thoughts, prayers, pretty much anything... even dancing around with chicken bones if you're feeling it...
She's on Tamiflu (?? I'm pretty sure that's the name of it... I'm not going to get up and check) if there is no improvement by Friday she'll be admitted somewhere where there is a paediatric unit. We're obviously wanting an improvement by Friday.
The rest of us are healthy. I'm determined to keep us that way!

the best news EVER!

I was visiting a friend's blog the other day and found some really interesting and useful information. It's the kind of info that makes you feel all warm and happy inside... prepare yourselves for the wonder of it....
Imagine that someone really pisses you off, and not just a little bit. I mean SERIOUSLY pisses you off, but you aren't really allowed to hide in the bushes and beat them when they least expect it, you can't sneak up behind them and bitch slap them when they finally turn around, and you can't throw heavy objects at them... so what's a person to do??? I HAVE THE ANSWER check out http://www.mailpoop.com/ You can send them a big ol' pile of stinky, nasty dog poo. You can do it anonymously, but if I go through the trouble of ORDERING dog shit online when I have plenty in the woods around the house, you better believe I'm sending a big fat card along with it. Oh, you'll know its from me alright, and maybe, just maybe you'll learn to stop pissing me the hell off! Is this the greatest or what??
I know your first reaction might be "Well, that's a hell of a lot of gross." But now this info will be stuck in your head FOREVER, and next time someone really pisses you off you'll be thinking "Oh, you're soooooo getting a pile of dog shit in the mail buddy!!!" It will save you from snapping when keeping cool is more advisable. You'll thank me... if not now, someday soon.

I admit, my sense of humor is twisted. I enjoy the crazy in life. I'd enjoy sending you some dog poop. Heeheehee, just thinking about it is making me smile.

Let's see, what else is new?? Ummmmm, not a hell of a lot. It's cold. Winter came early. All the old dudes at the Co-op are talking about how this is going to be "A bitch of a winter". What I'd like to know, is how is that any different than usual around here. We live in the frozen north people! We are the ones that should be doing the whole cut open an animal and use it for a warm coat thing (I'm not a freak, try watching star wars). I'm feeling more prepared for this winter though. I'm ordering all the freaking cold weather gear for the kiddos, since we have no choice but to go outside at least twice a day to check the beasts of the fields. (Speaking of the beasts, two of those rat bastards just sauntered on home the other day... the same 2 that I spent HOURS chasing through the fields. I logged many a mile chasing those effers, and they just walk on home when they feel like it. PFFFFFT. Next time I'm just going to kick them in the weird llama ass).
And, since being snowed in for days on end is not cool, we have become a 2 truck family. I know some people think its wasteful to have 2 trucks instead of a truck and something more efficient, and I would have agreed with you at one time, but not anymore. When Darryl is working he's gone, sometimes for days. That means that I do all the farm stuff. It sucks to go to town and actually only have room in your vehicle to get either animal food or human food, so you choose one then get home and find that your driveway is totally drifted in (its about a mile long) and there's no earthly way you can power through that mess of snow in the wimpy blazer 4X4. So you dig and dig and dig, then give up and show some leg to the next dude with a plow that happens to drive by (kidding, we are waaaay out in the boonies... no dudes with plows just drive by... I'd totally show them some leg if it meant getting in my driveway though). Then, since you could only get one type of food, you realize that at the end of it all you still have to do it all again tomorrow. Effff that.
Now, I can get everything INCLUDING a load of water, then go all mad 4X4 lady when I get home. I can run over the effing moose that wags its stupid moose ass in my face all the time, and get home in time to check all the animals before it gets dark. See, much better being a 2 truck family.
And yet another reason to stand up and cheer HOORAY for leaving this ghastly land behind and moving somewhere that -40 is NOT NORMAL. I'm totally going to go all HEEEEEERE'S JOHNNY this winter, I just know it.

Feeling Ranty...

There are 3 things REALLY pissing me off today.

1. I'm sick of Viagra, or penis enlargement junkmail. Serioulsy, I don't have a penis, I really don't need the mail. Besides, if I did have a penis I'm sure it would be impressive anyway... probably a record breaker.

2. Fashion Fads... I think fashion fads piss me off so much because it shows just how lame people can be. Come on, some person says, "Wouldn't it be funny to tell everyone that crazy 80's jeans are cool again??" Ta daaaaaa, everyone is wearing them.
I don't understand the crazy drive to 'fit in'. I don't understand why wearing the 'right thing' makes people so nutty in the brain. Seriously, you'd think that these people have eyes and would be like, "80's jeans??? You must be shitting me cuz they were ASS the first time around." Sadly, it just isn't so.
Why can't everyone just wear what they LIKE and not what everyone tells them to like.
Do they realize they're just wearing the same thing as everyone else??? It's probably some government ploy to get everyone wearing a 'uniform' so nobody can think independantly anymore. (I'm big on conspiracy theories, considering I'm a spy and all).
Sigh, I guess I just think its sad. Lame and sad.

3. Now, this one is a serious rant. I heard on the news about ANOTHER priest (bishop... whatever), who is going to jail for having child porn. I want to hunt him down and hurt him. I want all these nuns and priests and pastors and teacher and all the other effing bastards out there to pay, and pay severely for what they have done and are doing to kids.
I have rage that reaches super hero proportions when it comes to child abuse issues. I personally believe that people who do these things to children are no longer considered human. They are animals and should NOT be given the same rights as the rest of the world. HUMAN RIGHTS for these people??? You have got to be kidding me. Once a human becomes so twisted that they hurt innocent children they should be ended. Why give them another chance?? Why give them the option to do it again??
I know there is a lot of controversy about the death penalty. I don't want to get into a big debate, I just don't think these people deserve to be walking, and talking, and breathing, and living.
Do not say to me that we should leave it up to God to decide. I think that takes all responsibility away from the monsters, and from the people who are supposed to decide their fate. It makes it easy for us to do NOTHING and believe that it will all work itself out in the end. I do not agree with that. I think we need to take more responsibility for our lives, our children, the way we live and generally everything.
Man, I'm so angry I'm shaking. You better believe that if anyone ever so much as thinks about hurting my kids and I hear about it I will not be waiting for God to do the deciding.

Ok, I'm breathing... I'm calming myself...

I'm done... for now.

Quickies...

...as in quick updates :) This is going to be one.

Nyla's birthday was amazing. What a cool kid. I know she's mine, so I have to love her, but I'd love her anyway.
We rented a bouncy castle for her party... what a friggen great idea. Seriously, peeps with kids out there... do it! There will probably be some bounce related injuries, but Nyla is about as clumsy as me and she survived intact. So, normal non clumsy kids should be just fine.
Seeing her face when the bouncy castle inflated was worth a million bucks :) sigh... warm fuzzies in the guts.
I PROMISE pictures SOON. (Take that Kelly... you unbeliever!)

Other then that, I just seem to be losing my mind. A few days ago we were taking the kiddos to Dairy Queen for some 'last of the sunshine' ice cream cones (Darryl's mom is in town too). I was walking towards the door when I noticed that everyone was looking at me like I was all nekkid in public or something. Then Mr.Smartass (ie: Darryl) said, "Are you missing something??" Ahhh, but of course... I forgot Maren in the truck. (I was only about 2 feet away, so it wasn't like 'crazy bad mom' shit).
Yup, I'm awesome.
Then, earlier tonight we were having dinner at a friend's house and I was getting ready to feed Maren her bottle. Without even thinking I grabbed Nyla and stuck her on my lap... yup, even tipped her back and tried to feed her the bottle.
"Where is my mind" by the Pixies seems to be my theme song lately. I feel like a total jackass half the time. I should start drinking early in the day to re-set my equilibrium. Man, I have a lot of great ideas!

We're going to get our asses whipped by winter soon, so all my free time will now be spent gathering fire wood like some kind of freaky squirrel. I at least have my own chainsaw now, so I can be all freako and pretend the trees (which have already been destroyed by beavers along our creek) are people who need some schoolin' chainsaw style.

Ok, this is way longer then expected. I'm tired.
peace out homeslice