Birthdays are for suckers...

But since I'm getting so damn old I thought I'd share some of my amazing wisdom.

1. If you ever buy llamas, make sure to ask if there's a chance that any of them are pregnant... (chances are they ALL will be).

2. Don't invite that creepy lady into your house... she could possibly be a vampire after all.

3. If you choose to live way out in the sticks don't be ashamed when your directions include things like " Turn left at the old Scott farm... watch out for the moose that sleeps on that road... if you end up in a farmers field you haven't gone far enough..."

4. If you see crazy things hanging out of a llamas ass RELAX... its just a baby.

5. If you're outside when the snow plow dude comes by HIDE or you'll be stuck for half an hour talking about the weather and the price of animal feed.

Now, I realize that my wisdom lately revolves around rural living and llamas so you may not understand how you can apply it to your own life. All I can say is... try harder. It applies.

Now, in my elderly state I have some things to admit (or just share).

1. I hate potatoes and U2. I know, I know... you're gasping because I'm Irish and you can't believe my bravery in admitting this, but I'm ready to come out of the potato closet.

2. I have no plans to dress more conventionally... and yes, I'm going to dress my kids funny too. (At least until they're old enough to protest).

3. I plan to keep sneaking animals onto the farm when I find some that need homes. YES I KNOW we're going to have to move them all when we move... I'm not retarded.
(for interested parties... chickens and horses will be making an appearance this spring).

4. Gatorade makes me barf.

5. I hate reality TV with the fire of a thousand suns.
Why the hell would a crowd of women want to go on TV to vie for the affections of one man that they know nothing about??? I just don't get it.
Don't get me started on American/Canadian idol... that Kaylan Porter (sp?) kid makes me want to rip my eyeballs out and shove them in my ears. I want to shave his head so I can point and laugh.

6. Even though I'm supposed to be old and wise I'll still always take a dare.

7. I LOVE practical jokes. Sometimes I need someone to be my voice of reason or else I go too far. (Sorry Maria... I was too young to listen to voices of reason in college... you paid the price).
I pulled so many pranks on Maria, and I've never seen anyone react so well. She always saw the humor and even had the gumption to prank back. Good on ya Maria ;)

8. I have great friends and I miss them all like crazy.

9. I love my mother in law.

10. I think its disgusting that parents let their young girls dress like hookers. Come on people, show your kids what self respect is.

I could go on, but I'll stop there. I have many more things to admit but I'll save them for my next birthday. I'm going to rock 31... even if I'll stay 22 in my head forever.