Well, it's been one hell of a week. Things are scary and hard and I'm fighting my usual urge to run as fast and as far away as I can...
I won't get into too much detail, but I spent the last week in a blur of a sewage soaked basement (my Dad's), dealing with insurance dudes, visiting my Dad the ICU about a zillion times a day in order to make decisions regarding his health and future, and then trying not to freak out about a scary bomb dropped in my own house.
I feel weird. I'm not organized in any sense of the word and I'm quickly learning that organization is now going to be my 'friend' while I try to keep everyone's lives in order.
I don't like being the one people look to for an answer... what the hell do I know?

But, we're getting through it one day at a time. Eventually this will be the new 'normal' in my life. I will make decisions for my family and for my Dad and not even feel strange about it. I'm sure I'll learn a whole heck of a lot that will make me better than I am.
There's a quote I love... it doesn't make sense to a lot of people, I guess its one of those ones you have to live to understand...

Rainer Maria Rilke:
Have patience with everything that remains unsolved in your heart. Try to love the questions themselves, like locked rooms and like books written in a foreign language. Do not now look for the answers. They cannot now be given to you because you could not live them. It is a question of experiencing everything. At present you need to live the question. Perhaps you will gradually, without even noticing it, find yourself experiencing the answer, some distant day.

Letters to a Young Poet

So, things are getting solved and I'm breathing again. AND I'm not breathing sewage fumes, so that's a bonus :)

Anyway, I know a lot of this doesn't make sense. I think there's only one person on this planet who understands my mixed up brain in regards to what I have to do... I wish I could trade a kidney to go back in time and be able to hash it out with them. Booo on growing up and screwing up :)

PS, no I'm not drunk, I'm just scattered and I promised some family that I'd post an update... if you can call this an update...